Archive for October, 2008

Sports rambling

October 30, 2008

The Knicks looked relatively promising tonight, winning the season opener 120-115 over the Heat. Not sure if the Knicks are a solid team, or Miami is still horrible..but we will find out soon enough. Seeing Stephan Marbury on the bench the entire game gave me mixed emotions. The team will miss Starbury’s leadership on the court, but they certainly proved tonight they can win without him. As for Eddy Curry, seeing his whining ass on the bench all game brought a big smile to my face. It looks as though he won’t play a very important role with the knicks this year. He is extremely out of shape and certainly doesn’t fit into D’Antoni’s offense. Perhaps he could land a tryout with a WNBA team- he certainly has the cup size to play women’s basketball. And although he didn’t play all game, he spent the entire fourth quarter in the locker room icing a sore knee. What exactly was he sore from? Keeping his seat warm? Either way, Knicks are in first place and I haven’t said that in a VERY long time.

As for baseball, the Phillies beat the Rays to win the World Series tonight 4 games to 1. As much as I don’t care about either team, I was certainly pulling for the Rays simply because they are an AL East team, and it’s nice to think the Yankees are in the most competitive division in baseball. Phillies really surprised me in the playoffs- I felt they didn’t have enough pitching to go far, but I guess the combination of Hamels and Lidge is all they needed. I had actually said to a few friends a few years ago about how I thought Hamels was someone I’d really like the Yankees to go after and that I felt he was one of the best young pitchers in the league. He certainly proved that this postseason, going 4-0 and winning the World Series MVP.

As for the Islanders, uuuuuuuuuuuuugh….where do I even begin? They continue to stink up the Coliseum every time they take the ice. I’m surprised they even show up to the games sometimes. Coming into the rivaly game against the Rangers, I was expecting them to turn things around. The Rangers put a quick end to that thought, scoring a goal less than a minute into the game! However the Isles have got a young guy named Josh Bailey who should make some noise for them pretty soon. He was the fifth pick overall last year but hasn’t played yet due to an injury. He should be healthy in a week or two and might just be the spark this pathetic excuse for a team needs.

And in NASCAR…just kidding, no one gives a shit.

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Chocolate

October 30, 2008

Have you seen the Axe commercial for the new Chocolate Body Spray?

Like any Axe commercial, it implies that if you wear axe, you will have girls all over you.

Well, this stuff  actually works.

Dan and I were at CVS tonight trying to find inflatable ostriches for our halloween costumes (yes, you read that correctly). My roomate Kriger got one from WalMart last year and it was awesome. Here’s a pic from last halloween when Krig and I went to Madison for the best halloween party on any college campus.

 (yes, I was a condom dispenser)

Anyways, after going to WalMart, KMart and CVS, and unsuccessfully finding any ostriches with pumps attached to them, Dlaish said he wanted to try out the new chocolate axe. I was curious to check it out as well after watching the commercial, so we tracked it down in CVS.

After finding it, I sprayed it on myself, and to my dissapointment, I did not turn into a walking piece of dark chocolate. However, there happend to be a group of cute girls in the same isle, so I asked them if I smelled like chocolate.

One girl came over, and literally grabbed my shirt to smell me and thought it smelled great. So great in fact, that she called over her two friends to come smell me as well.

I now have three girls smelling me and pulling on my shirt. This is not a joke. I don’t know who writes up the commercials for Axe, but that guy is fucking dead on. Chicks love the stuff.

Dlaish and I ended up talking to these girls for a while longer, and found out they are Au Pairs from Argentina and Brazil- all with very sexy accents. And to top off the power of the chocolate axe spray, they asked for our numbers before we left. When we walked away I’m pretty sure they said, “bye Dan…bye chocolate.”

For some reason, I didn’t actually buy the chocolate axe, but apparently girls enjoy the smell of it, and I would certainly recommend it.

How To: see a movie for free

October 25, 2008

So last night, Dennis and I went to see the 11:00pm showing of Saw V. I feel like the saw franchise is able to pump out a new movie every single year, and I look forward to seeing Saw XVII when I’m 34. Also, I wonder if Saw XXX will be turned into a porno…

Anyways, so we get to new roc city (for those of you who don’t know, that is the 18-theater movie theater a few minutes from Larchmont), and its about 10 minutes before 11:00. I haven’t been to a movie at new roc in a long time, and to my surprise, things are much different. I remember going when I was younger with my friends, and it being a nice and fun place to hang out.

Things have chanegd.

There is now a line just to get INTO the building, and then you must wait on another line to buy tickets. There are also about 15 cops supervising all of this. And let’s just say I’m not the typical clientele they are accustomed to seeing anymore. I was certainly a minority, and I am pretty sure I was the only person wearing an abercrombie sweatshirt within miles.

So I got on line behind a guy and girl who were clearly on a date, as they were playing grab-ass as I stepped behind them. Speaking of ass, the girl must have had the biggest tooshie i’ve ever seen, and yet she still found a way to put her cell phone in her back jeans pocket. That impressed me.

Anyways, after I got on line, three big nfl-type guys got on the line behind me. These guys must have weighed a combined 900 pounds. It was a little awkward at first since I was clearly the only white person on line, so I decided to try to break the ice. I turned to the guys behind me and said, “so are you guys here to see high school musical 3?”

They didn’t laugh.

I kept my mouth shut after that, and Dennis finally met me in line. When we got into the building, we noticed the 11:00 showing was sold out, as was the 11:45. So we decided to get tickets for the 12:30am showing. We weren’t really sure what to do to kill the time, so Dennis suggested going inside and seeing if we could just walk into the 11:00 showing.

I tried nonchelantly walking past the guy at the door, but the guy stopped me and asked to see my ticket. When the guy (Brian) saw my ticket was for the 12:30 show, he told me to take a hike. So we walked away and decided to try to walk into the 11:45 showing. That didn’t work.

So we walked back towards the theater with the 11:00 showing, and asked Brian if we could just slip in, and he said “sorry guys, but I just can’t let you.”

We decided to offer him five bucks. He wouldn’t budge.

I tried making some small talk, and I’m pretty sure I threw in a comment about being a scared white boy in an abercrombie sweatshirt, but Brian wouldn’t let us slide. Not wanting to wait for the 12:30 showing, I finally just said “ok Brian, well are we allowed to just return our ticket stubs?” And for some reason that is beyong me, Brian goes “ya, you could, but why don’t you just go in the theater now.”

WTF? Did I say a secret code word or something? I was about to give up, and the guy just let us in–without even taking the five bucks! What a moron…

So you’re probably still wondering how we saw the movie for free. Excellent question. After watching the movie (which was good, but very gross), we left the theater and just like in a cartoon, a lightbulb came over my head. I said to Dennis, “why don’t we go return our 12:30 ticket stubs if it’s not too late.” I may not have gone to an ivy league school, but I’m a fucking genious. (Well I’m not that smart–I had actually thrown my ticket stub on the ground in the theater, but I was able to go back in and get it). The time was 12:45am, so we figured it was worth a shot.

So as we walked out with about 200 other people, we walked up to the ticket counter and I frantically said “excuse me but we have to return our tickets!”

The lady asked why.

“we just can’t stay. we HAVE to go.”

The lady said ok, and even though it was completely unnecessary, I added, “and hurry up, it’s an emergency!”

She shot me a look, and just when I thought I had ruined the chance to get a refund, she says, “would you like a twenty, or two tens.”

HA! not only did we get our money back, but they catered to our every fucking desire. I was about to ask for our money in singles and told her our emergency was that we decided to go to the strip club instead, but I thought that might be a bit much.

After putting our money BACK into our wallets, dbop and I shared a victorious high-five outside the building, and with that, we accomplished seeing Saw V for free.

(Unfortunately, the movie wasn’t free for Dennis, as he had to pay for parking, but beggers can’t be choosers.)

So to recap: go to theater. No HSM3 jokes. Get tickets for later showing. play scared-whiteboy card to guy checking tickets. enjoy movie. bring stubs to ticket booth. act frantic and at some point throw out the word “emergency”. high-five outside movie theater.

Where are they now?

October 23, 2008

We all watched 7th Heaven when we were younger. If you think you haven’t, you’re lying to yourself. Anyways, out of all the daughters in the Camden family, we all know Jessica Biel (the oldest Camden, Mary) has turned into one of the hottest girls alive (although her career went down the shitter after “starring” in Summer Catch with Freddie Prinze Jr.) I’m not quite sure what happend to the blonde one, Lucy Camden (Beverlly Mitchell), but I’m pretty sure she was in one of the Saw movies…and I could care less what happend to that little fucker Simon Camden (I’ve wanted to hit him with a shovel ever since the episode where he got an earring..)

Anyways, the main reason for this post, is because I’ve recently seen pictures of the youngest daughter, Ruthie Camden, played by Mackenzie Rosman..I know you remember her cute little smile and curly brown hair…

Well, here’s a little update for you: Mackenzie is 19 AND BANGIN!

Here’s a recent picture of her:

The fact that she has basically done nothing with her career since 7th Heaven ended after ELEVEN seasons means nothing to me. The fact that she now looks like this… is what’s important, people.

She has recently been the subject of some criticism, after a photo of her in only a bra and panties has surfaced on the internet. However, I’m not going to post that picture here for two reasons: one, my grandma reads my blog and I don’t want to scare off one of the few people who actually reads this crap, and two, let’s try to keep this blog somewhat classy. Also, I don’t know exactly how old she is in the picture, so I don’t want to subject my readers to looking at child porn if she’s under 18 in the pic…it’s just too close to tell. However, if you really want to see the picture, just type Mackenzie’s name into google and it will come up.

so the real question is, who’s hotter now?

Ruthie Camden?

or

Mary Camden?

If  anyone knows of any other good “where are they now’s” let me know!

Note: in case anyone was wondering, Mackenzie is currently working on a movie about Edgar Alan Poe. Sounds thrilling.

Where’s The Handle?

October 19, 2008

Here’s one of my favorite Dane Cook standup routines, about the first time he got head.
Funny stuff.

Notorious

October 16, 2008

There’s a new movie coming out next year on the life of Notorious B.I.G. One of the all-time great rappers, (along with Dbop), the trailer for this movie looks great. Rather than put a youtube link to the trailer, here’s a link to the trailerblog.com, which just featured this flick. This is an excellent website by my good friend Mark Perlman-Price, who gives witty and well-writen reviews of random trailers to upcoming films. Keep up the good work Mark. My apologies if this crashes your site due to the large number of traffic you’ll be getting from my hundreds of loyal readers.

License Plate of the Day

October 16, 2008

Notice how their break lights are on- almost got in a car accident taking this picture..but it was worth it. Everyone loves a ginger…

Infomercials

October 6, 2008

Has anyone else seen the ShamWow! infomercials? I’m sure you have. If you haven’t, here is the link..

The guy in the video is named Vince. Does anyone else want to kill this guy? Is he really the only obnoxiously sounding douchebag they could find to do this infomercial?

In their next commercial, I’d like to see him demonstrate something more to my liking. Rather than pour soda over a 1 foot by 1 foot piece of carpet, why doesn’t he take a sharp object, stab himself in the arm, and then use the shamwow to soak up all the blood..that would really make my day.

Announcing: Morvay’s Book Club

October 3, 2008

I’ve been reading a lot lately, so I figured why not share with everyone what i’ve been reading, and suggest these fine pieces of literature to others.

I recently finished two books:

1. I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, by Tucker Max- This book was HILARIOUS. Tucker Max, simply put, is an asshole. He gets drunk, fucks lots of girls, gets himself in the most ridiculous situations imaginable and then writes about them. The book is comprised of “stories of his life”, all of which are true. They will make you laugh, contimplate how anyone can be such an egotistical asshole yet get plenty of girls, and throw up- all at the same time.  If you haven’t read this book yet, I highly recommend picking it up. Or, if you’re cheap, you can go on his website, tuckermax.com and read many of the stories there. Overall I give this book 5 out of 5 for Max’s descriptiveness and not witholding of any information- even if it embarrases himself. I honestly couldn’t put the book down, and look forward to seeing the movie version of the book which is currently being made.

2. My Horizontal Life, by Chelsea Handler- Another book I really enjoyed. Handler, who you may recognize as the host of the E! show “Chelsea Lately”, is very funny and witty, and has quickly become one of my favorite comedians. The book is a memoir of all of her one night stands throughout her life, hence the title of the book. Any girl who has the balls ovaries to publish all the times she’s been railed- I have to give her credit. Though the stories aren’t as sexually descriptive as Tucker Max’s, they are humorous none-the-less, and her attitude towards life is just very funny. I give this book 4 out of 5, as it is entertaining from start to finish. Again, I find it crazy/impressive that people are willing to write about all their previous sexual experiences, knowing that their parents could read this stuff.

If you are interested in borrowing either of these two books, definitely let me know and I’d be more than happy to lend them out or mail them to friends outside NY.

Also, if you’ve written a book and would like me to consider it for my highly credible book club, let me know. I average multiple hits a day on this blog (thanks grandma) so you’ll get some unparalelled exposure.

I’ll keep you posted on what the next book will be when I pick one out this weekend.

The Ivy League Schools Car

October 2, 2008

I feel like many of my stories derive from walks with Sally..today is no exception.

While walking Sally today, I passed this car that was parked in a driveway on Cherry Ave.

 

I’m sorry but seeing this just made me really want to place a University of Pheonix Online bumper sticker under Columbia. I understand all your kids are very smart and went to great schools, but Harvard, Princeton, Columbia? Now you’re just bragging…

Now normally, Sally likes to go #2 in a section of ivy that is on our walking path. However, I felt letting her shit NEXT TO ivy (league school bumper stickers) was just as good for her. So, being the friendly neighbor that I am, I waited next to that car for a good…oh i’d say…6 minutes in hopes that Sally would take a shit on their lawn. And without hesitation, Sally dropped one like she had 3 breakfasts at Denny’s.

Did I have a newspaper bag to clean it up? Of course I did.

Did I take the time to pick it up? You don’t have to go to Harvard to figure out that answer.