Archive for November, 2008

I Survived Black Friday

November 29, 2008

kanga

Why is this picture here? Because if I can survive a semester in Australia, I can survive a mall.

I was warned and warned and warned.

“Don’t go to the mall today”…”you’ll get trampled and killed”….”you won’t find a parking spot”…”you will get chicken pox if you go”…”your crazy”…even Sally said, “bark bark bark”, which I assumed ment, “see if dog biscuits are 40% off”.

Well you know what, I went. And you know what else? I’m still alive.

In fact, I didn’t notice ANYTHING out of the norm. The only difference was that just about everything was on sale. And no, I didn’t get any looks from the security officers do to my hat that makes me look like a terrorist (thank you Dennis and AJ for pointing that out).

Were people trying to stop me from going to the mall so they could get the last hoodie at jcrew, or enjoy the free samples of bourbon chicken in the food court while I sat at home wondering what could have been? I hope that’s not the case.

Either way, I went to the Westchester, and although my mom thought a flat screen tv would fall on me, I avoided getting killed by anything HD,  made some solid purchases, and went on my way.

I managed to get two ties from JCrew for $38 bucks, one of which apparenlty looks like a Burberry “knockoff” (Maxine, if you’re reading this, give me a break…I can barely afford to park at the Westchester, let alone shop there).

Anyways, I think the whole “stay away from malls” thing is nonsense, as long as you go late in the day.

To those of you who worked at a mall today, I give you credit. Unless you’re the guy who gives out the free samples of bourbon chicken–honestly, take a fucking day off. You are there every single day of the year and it’s just not healthy.

gobble gobble

November 28, 2008

meee

Happy Thanksgiving everybody.

Turkey day is one of my favorite holidays. I get to see lots of family I usually don’t get to see, tons of great food, and Christmas music is officially on the radio.

I haven’t updated the blog in a while so I figure I’ll just ramble about things that have happened the past few days…

Had a great time at Notre Dame with Dennis and friends. Froze my ass off at the football game against Syracuse, but it was a great game and there’s no better place to watch tradition take place than at Notre Dame Stadium. The students really have there act together with chants, dances, and marshmellow throwing by the seniors for the final home game. Here’s a great action shot of Dennis’ friend Mary getting hit by a marshmellow:

mary1

While there, we saw Role Models with Paul Rudd and Sean William Scott (as well as the kid who plays McLovin), and it was HILARIOUS! I really recommend this one.

We also caught an ND hockey game, which was a nice change from the pathetic play of the Islanders. Went to a few parties, had a GREAT tailgate with Dennis’ mom Rosa cooking up a feast for everyone.

Since I’ve been back…saw Shrek the Third which was very clever and funny, went to see my friend Al Reiter’s band “Nobody Can Dance” perform in NYC (they are VERY good), and had about 37 rainbow cookies at Thanksgiving dinner.

Let’s see…Kanye West’s new CD is horrible..Knicks are falling apart…IU basketball is going to be very bad this year…the entourage season finale was great…and I need to find a job (my Islanders internship ended last week).

Anyways, hope everyone had a nice holiday, and I’ll write more when there’s more to write about!

roadtrip

November 20, 2008

golden-dome

I’m leaving for South Bend, Indiana at 5 AM tomorrow (Thursday). Dennis’ parents are picking me up for a little 13-hour fun-filled road trip to Notre Dame University. I have been to ND a bunch of times, and always have a great time.

Anytime I spend a weekend with Dennis, something crazy happens. I’ll be sure to come back with plenty of good stories when I get back Monday night.

Until then…

tj1

touchdown jesus!

Grand Central Station

November 10, 2008

gcs1

How awesome is this place?

I take the train into the city very frequently, and there are always people in awe of the high ceiling and the artwork that accompanies it, the large windows, and the overall hustle and bustle of the place. Because I’ve been there so many times, GC doesn’t really phase me anymore–and that bothers me. I know exactly where to find a Chase ATM, which bathroom is the cleanest, and which exit leads to the nuts4nuts cart (the most delicious food in NYC).

But I never really stop and admire the place like most tourists do. I had a good ten minutes before my train back to Larchmont the other day, so I stopped to take this picture. And this one picture captures everything that is great about the giant interior with the information clock in the middle. The massive windows with light pouring through, the arched ceiling, the hundreds of people buzzing around. This is by far one of the coolest places in NYC.

*It should be noted that Grand Central sucks from 2am-5am when they close the doors and make you sleep outside like a hobo until the first train home at 5:35 AM.

New York Comedy Festival

November 6, 2008

nycf2

For those of you who live in the NY area and are looking for something to do this week, the New York Comedy Festival kicked off last night in NYC.

The event features some of the funniest comedians out there– Sarah Silverman, Tracy Morgan, Frank Caliendo, BJ Novak, Joel McHale, Louis CK, and many other very funny people.

It runs from Nov. 5th-9th, so if you appreciate good comedy- GO! Here’s the full line-up and schedule.

It really is a great line up, although I’m not a big fan of Craig Ferguson (the worst of the late night talk show hosts–with Carson Daly a VERY close second).

Also, my friend Mandy Stadtmiller did a few Q & A’s with a few of the headliners, and you can check them all out here:

Sarah Silverman

Tracy Morrgan

Louis CK

Joel McHale

My favorite comedian performing would have to be BJ Novak (writer/actor on The Office), with Sarah Silverman a close second.

Speaking of which, I know she’s going to kill me for doing this, but my friend Tanya looks very much like Sarah Silverman, even though she denies it every time…you be the judge.

ssarah-silverman3me-and-silv3

Anyways, go catch some of the NYCF if you get the chance.

And with that, I will leave you with a joke my grandpa tells me every time I see him:

Q: Why is George Bush always on the bottom when he has sex?

A: Because he always fucks up!

Nice mouth he has, huh…

Teeth

November 5, 2008

teeth

Movies come in all different lengths and genres. There are good movies (Crash) and bad movies (Operation Dumbo Drop). I’ve been working on a movie script for a while now, just as a little side project. I obviously know how hard it is to get a script picked up by a major studio, and plenty of people remind me along the way not to waste my time.

However, there’s one thing that keeps me going with my writing, and that is all the awful movies that are constantly being produced. Movies such as Glitter, From Justin to Kelly, Gangsta Rap: The Glockumentary, Swing Vote, Daddy Day Care, See Spot Run, that stupid chihuahua movie–the list goes on and on. I say to myself, there is no POSSIBLE way my movie can be any worse than these movies. Have you seen any of these movies? They are a joke, yet major studios are investing millions of dollars into them with such plots as:

  • In a remarkable turn-of-events, the result of the presidential election comes down to one man’s vote.

and…

  • While on vacation in Mexico, Chloe, a ritzy Beverly Hills Chihuahua, finds herself lost and in need of assistance in order to get back home.

However, just when I thought movies couldn’t get any more ridiculous- I am corrected. Angie, a girl I work with at Longfords, recently told me about a 2007 movie called Teeth. I’m sure you haven’t heard of it, because it went straight to DVD.

I asked, is this a movie about dentistry? Braces? Perhaps a documentary on solid-gold grills?

No. It’s a horror movie. She told me what it was about, but I didn’t believe her. I didn’t believe a movie could be so ludicrous and absurd and unreasonable all at the same time. But after looking on IMDB, it was confirmed.

Here is the plot listed on IMDB: Still a stranger to her own body, a high school student discovers she has a physical advantage when she becomes the object of male violence.

Seems simple enough.

But what is that physical advantage might you ask?

The main character, Dawn O’Keefe, has teeth in her vagina.

Let me say this again…it is a movie….about a girl….who has TEETH…in her VAGINA!

WHAT…THE…FUCK.

Someone actually took the time to make a horror film about a girl who bites off the manhood of any guy who sexually assaults her.

Here’s the trailer to this gem.

As though getting a girl pregnant isn’t scary enough, now guys have to worry about a girl’s vagina going Lorena Bobbit on them. Wow.

Please watch this scene from the movie- tell me this isn’t the funniest horror movie ever made.

Here’s a still from the flick:

teeth-still

I’m pretty sure this is just before the doctor gets his fingers bit off by the teeth in Dawn’s love oasis. 

I can’t imagine this movie being very scary, as it seems like more of a dark comedy. But the fact that it even exists boggles my mind. I am going to rent it this week and I’ll let you know how brutally horrible it is.